The Bewitchin' Pool

Description: Season 5, Episode 36

Air Date: June 19, 1964

Plot Summary: Two neglected children find a portal to another world beneath their swimming pool.

Review: The one thing that has always bothered me about TZ was the miserable conclusion to one of television's most legendary and iconic shows. After so many great stories--ideas so imaginative and original they're still being ripped off to this day--it's not right to close the show out for good with the objectively worst episode in the series. I mean, we have horrible audio dubbing, repeated footage, and a nonsensical, pedo-riffic story. Clearly the fates were working against TZ in this instance.

The story revolves around two annoying brats, their asshole dad, and the biggest bitch in the show's history for a mom. Seriously, I would have killed this bitch if I were married to such an insufferable diva. One line I really liked was when the dad tells the mom to take care of the kids, and she says that's what the maid is for. And this guy follows up with, "And what are you for, sugar?" OH SHIT! You got nothin', hun. Anyway, this loving family is shockingly about to go through a divorce. It's okay though, the kiddies have a creepy, old lady to hang out with that lives at the bottom of their pool. Well, more precisely, some kind of portal at the bottom of their pool leads to this geezer. It didn't help the already shit audio that this lady talks like she's perpetually itching to give a gumjob. Too far?

I guess this is supposed to be a kind of Peter Pan thing going on...maybe. Do the kids still age or not? I got the distinct feeling this crazy lady was just going to eat them anyway; she keeps giving them huge slices of cake after all! Also, there are a ton of kids that stay here, but what are they supposed to do, play games for the rest of their lives as immortal children? The main kids do travel back and forth between this oblivion and their home a few times, but, fundamentally, they decide to stay with grandma when everything is said and done. This is kind of an awkward choice if you think about it. Do you stay with horrible parents who will probably use you as a bargaining chip in a divorce or take your chances with a weird, old lady that probably wants to molest you before you're fat enough to eat? Hmm...decisions, decisions. Ugh. Needless to say, this episode is not good. Even the dumbest episodes had their shit together from a technical standpoint. I think I am extra bitter, because this was the final episode--an honor this episode disgraces.