A Short Drink From a Certain Fountain

Description: Season 5, Episode 11

Air Date: December 13, 1963

Plot Summary: An old man takes an experimental youth serum in order to keep up with the demands of his young wife.

Review: Ironically, if this episode were made today the person getting the comeuppance would be reversed. You know this scenario: an older, rich guy marries a young, gold digger wife. For whatever reason, the old man, Harmon, mindlessly loves this little chickadee, Flora, despite his brother's advice to ditch the bitch. Unable to keep up with her antics, Harmon ponders suicide if his brother doesn't assist him. It would seem the brother is some kind of doctor working on an experimental serum that would make a person younger. Since they were still testing it on animals, the brother advises against giving Harmon the serum, but Harmon is one insistent mangina.

Later on, Harmon takes the serum and becomes younger. Flora, idiotically not questioning this bizarre situation, is excited about traveling around the world or whatever. However, given the unpredictable nature of the serum, Harmon keeps getting younger until he's been turned back into a little boy. Actually, this wouldn't be too bad as long as my mind remains intact--if I can't have that then screw this serum! The brother explains to Flora that she is stuck with taking care of Harmon until he grows up, now Harmon will get all the attention, and Flora will be the one dealing with the fact that she's getting ever older. Yeah right--maybe in '63. How that shit would go down now: bitch would divorce Harmon, get half or more of his shit, and, indeed, date a younger guy with all her money. That's modern day "fairness." And, making matters worse, Harmon would still grow up to be a little mangina bitch-boy. On the bright side, Flora did mention something about not being a "night nurse," and that sounds like a delightful porno!

The 7th Is Made Up of Phantoms

Description: Season 5, Episode 10

Air Date: December 6, 1963

Plot Summary: Soldiers on an exorcise believe they are interacting with ghosts from a past battle.

Review: This isn't necessarily a bad episode per se, but it doesn't do anything to differentiate itself from similar, past episodes. At first the episode establishes the Battle of Little Bighorn as if it's about to occur, but then we realize it is the present day (or 1964 in the story line). Apparently the US military is doing some kind of exorcise in the region, and the three main characters are a part of a tank crew. They believe they are seeing and hearing various aspects of the battle and want to investigate further. Their commanding officer thinks they're crazy or drunk and reprimands them. Later, when they finally come face to face with the battle itself, the three men are killed in the fight; they didn't bring the tank to the battle in case you're wondering how the hell they could possibly lose. When their commanding officer and a few MPs go to find them, they realize that their names are coincidentally on a nearby memorial. And that's all there really is to it.

I'm assuming that the scope of the story was intended to be much grander which leads to the final experience being so bland. Instead of showing the main characters ever interact with the various Native American tribes battling the 7th Calvary, it is merely implied to be off screen. Likewise, whenever they do show something, the scale is incredibly limited. I don't blame TZ for this as they were obviously dealing with a limited budget as always--I'm simply pointing out why the episode appears shallow or missing something.

Probe 7, Over and Out

Description: Season 5, Episode 9

Air Date: November 29, 1963

Plot Summary: A pilot crash lands on an alien planet just as his world enters a mutually destructive war.

Review: Although this episode boils down to nothing more than a novel twist, I've always enjoyed it and appreciated the concept. Also, because of said twist, it makes describing the story difficult as the vagueness needed to convey the premise actually alludes to that very revelation. Anyway, we meet an injured pilot named Cook who has crashed on some random planet. Conveniently enough, the planet is hospitable, but it is implied that a creature may be lurking nearby his ship. When asking for help from home, Cook learns that the military has more pressing issues regarding an all out world war. Sure enough, a war does begin with a general explaining to Cook how they're entering a state of mutual destruction.

For whatever reason, Cook decides to take a little stroll outside his wrecked ship when he has a seizure or something; I honestly don't know what the hell happened to him. While unconscious, that general transmits to Cook that their world is toasty toast, and he may be the last survivor of their world. When Cook comes to his senses, he is startled by the unknown creature locking itself within his ship. Waiting outside the ship, the creature eventually sneaks away as Cook chases after it. We then realize the creature is actually a disheveled woman. By some impossible twist of fate, this woman is also the last survivor of a totally different planet that was destroyed. Unable to communicate, Cook scares the woman away and later hears that final transmission. Accepting that this planet must become his new home, the woman returns and the two try to get along. The twist is finally revealed that Cook's first name is Adam and the woman's name is Eve. The planet is Earth, Cook has a broken rib referring to that part of Genesis, and Eve offers Cook an apple as that is the food she has been living off of since she arrived on the planet.

I know this probably sounds corny, but they present it well enough and it was a mostly original twist at the time. Obviously you have to suspend your disbelief quite a bit to enjoy this ending. I mean, two separate, yet perfectly similar, human species from across the galaxy cross paths on a livable planet at the exact same point in time?! If such a scenario happened, that would absolutely convince me that it was divine intervention at work. Who knows, maybe that's half the point.