In Praise of Pip

Description: Season 5, Episode 1

Air Date: September 27, 1963

Plot Summary: After learning that his son is dying in the Vietnam War, a man believes he sees his son as a child again.

Review: We've arrived at the fifth and final season, but there are still plenty of great episodes left to cover. As I've stated before, TZ only deviated from its typical formula for season 4, so we have the return of concise, 30 minute tales. As for this particular season premiere, it could have been better that's for sure. Serving as the last appearance from Jack Klugman, you'd hope for a more interesting episode for him to stretch his legs with. Also, considering the controversial aspects of the Vietnam War at this point, you'd think TZ would work with the material in a more thought-provoking way.

The story focuses on a bookie named Max, played by Mr. Klugman, right as he's coming to terms with the fact that his life has been fundamentally wasted. Obviously his biggest regret is not being there for his son, Pip, in a meaningful way. The self-reflection is done well enough, but there is just something amiss in the execution. Anyway, Max is apathetic toward a guy he conned, but his attitude changes when he learns Pip appears to have been fatally wounded in battle. This is surprisingly a violent scene for TZ--Max is shot after stabbing his boss and one of the boss' flunkies, because they were roughing up the guy Max conned. Max then aimlessly wanders toward an amusement park he took Pip to when he was young. There, Pip's spirit somehow manifests as a child, played by Billy Mumy in another appearance. The two are having fun for awhile as Max brushes this sight off due to the delirium induced by the gunshot wound. However, Pip suddenly runs away, and the two run around in a funhouse. Pip says he must go, the adult version appearing to die, and Max is left with only regret that he wasn't there for his son. Begging god for some kind of exchange, Max dies and Pip miraculously survives. We skip to sometime later with a crippled Pip going back to the amusement park and seemingly remembering the bizarre last instance of meeting Max.

I'm mostly disappointed that they didn't do more with this plot line. The were many elements that could have been utilized in a meaningful way, but, maybe, they were afraid of retreading covered material. This isn't a bad episode, it just doesn't work all that well as the season opener.

The Bard

Description: Season 4, Episode 18

Air Date: May 23, 1963

Plot Summary: A fledgling writer uses a magic spell to summon Shakespeare to assist him in writing a TV pilot.

Review: And now we come to the last episode of season 4 as well as the end to the hour long running time. I'm not going to lie, season 4 was undeniably the weakest season overall, but I don't hold that against TZ. The writers had to scramble to come up with these stories, adjust their style and format, and deal with the idiocy that was/is CBS. As for this particular episode, serving as a season finale, it could have been much better. This is yet another comedic episode, but it's certainly a hit or miss in regards to that comedy.

The main character, the ridiculously named Julius Moomer, tries and fails to pitch various ideas to his agent. Feeling pity for Julius, the agent allows him a chance to write a script for an upcoming TV pilot. Since the producers want a story about "black magic" Julius heads to a bookstore where he meets a nutcase and a spell book literally jumps out at him. Improvising the spell ingredients, Julius somehow conjures up William Shakespeare in the flesh. I guess Shakespeare has been keeping up on modern times, somehow, and agrees to write up the pilot for Julius. I didn't find any of this funny.

Later on, the humor does pick up once we see TZ take shots at the way advertisers meddle in the production, how ideas are altered for superficial and stupid reasons, and how the industry is, and always will be, full of yes-men. The best part, however, is when Shakespeare crashes the rehearsal for the pilot. You've got Burt Reynolds doing his best impersonation of Brando, and it's hilariously accurate! This scene alone almost made the episode great! After Shakespeare voices his disapproval of the pilot, he essentially quits on Julius. Consulting, what looks to be, his twelve year old girlfriend, Julius decides to conjure up more people to help him write. The episode ends with Julius showing the agent his new friends: a slew of historical figures ranging from Washington to Lincoln. Ehh, I guess that's as good of an ending as any. Admittedly, there were funny moments, but, for the most part, this episode comes off more stupid than anything. I'm considering this for the worst episode list, but that Brando impersonation is priceless--maybe I'll have to reconsider.

Passage on the Lady Anne

Description: Season 4, Episode 17

Air Date: May 9, 1963

Plot Summary: A couple, whose marriage is on the rocks, decide to take a trip aboard an old cruise ship.

Review: This story may have the distinction of being the least TZ-feeling episode in the entire series. If anything, this was TZ's answer to a serious, romantic drama. They do tack on an ambiguously supernatural element toward the end, and an ongoing mystery throughout, but that's definitely not what this episode is about. You have the main characters, Alan and Eileen, who decide to go on an alleged honeymoon (6 years into the marriage mind you) aboard a cruise ship called, you guessed it, the Lady Anne. The problem is that Alan is a complete asshole and Eileen is a whiny bitch. I wanted to throw them both overboard. Despite this, the banter between the characters is rather entertaining and downright humorous at times. It helps that much of the supporting cast do a fantastic job of playing off one another with great chemistry.

Much of the story focuses on Alan and Eileen trying to rekindle their love. Eileen thought that the voyage itself would spark romance, but Alan is too worried about business dealings that await him. The two argue a lot until they start to question their entire marriage. Psh...they would have divorced years ago if this were nowaday. The situation is exacerbated by the other passengers who are old people that seem to spend way too much time dwelling on their own romances and losses. I suppose this was intended to inspire Alan and Eileen but whatever. At one point Eileen mysteriously disappears and Alan inexplicably realizes how much he loves Eileen again. Is that really all it took? The disappearance is never explained as Alan finds her the next day or so. It's greatly implied they fucked like crazy afterward as a result! With their romance magically restored, the two become fully invested in enjoying their trip.

So what makes any of this a TZ episode? It would seem Alan and Eileen inadvertently booked their voyage on a ship nearing retirement. As a consequence, the crew and passengers have decided to kill themselves or travel into oblivion for all I know; it's not clear at all. Over the years, many couples have grown sentimental and attached to the ship. As they and the ship have aged, the old people want their memories to go out with a bang. Unfortunately for Alan and Eileen, no one told them this ahead of time. There are sprinkles of shadiness here and there, and the old people do try to deter the couple from sailing with them, but it feels forced to fit the TZ theme. When Alan and Eileen have patched up their relationship, the old people force them onto a life boat so that they can freely travel to Aman with the elves or something. And that's all that happens. Lame romances really aren't my cup of tea, but the episode is saved by the dialogue and banter. I'm just surprised TZ didn't try harder to make the episode fit their regular tone. If you saw this on TV without the narration from Mr. Serling you would never guess what this was truly from.

On Thursday We Leave For Home

Description: Season 4, Episode 16

Air Date: May 2, 1963

Plot Summary: A human settlement on a distant planet must free themselves of their leader in order to return to Earth.

Review: This is certainly one of the episodes that would have felt less boring in the 30 minute format; there really wasn't enough material to stretch this story out. The opening premise is decent, with a small settlement of humans, on a planet far away, who tried to find a second Earth. The time is notably set far enough in the future (2020s) that I could accept this as a plausible scenario. Unfortunately for these people, the planet is an arid wasteland and their leader, Benteen, controls them like children. I would say there is a cult-like atmosphere to the people, but it is more the case of Benteen believing his role to be greater than it truly was. After decades of struggling to survive, a rescue ship finally comes to collect the settlement. Benteen, however, does not want the people to escape once he realizes they will abandon him. At first you can somewhat sympathize with Benteen, but he spirals into insanity quickly enough. There are moments of interesting dialogue strewn throughout, but that's about the only thing the episode has going for it. The situation is not relevant to viewers and the themes are self-explanatory. There should have been a final twist to bring things full circle, but the episode simply ends with everyone leaving and Benteen staying behind. Come to think of it, this could be worthy of the worst episode list.

The Incredible World of Horace Ford

Description: Season 4, Episode 15

Air Date: April 18, 1963

Plot Summary: An eccentric toy designer becomes unhinged after seeing visions of his childhood street and friends.

Review: This is definitely one of the weirder episodes out there, but it fails to be memorable in spite of this. It's primary flaw is that it feels too similar to previous episodes like "Walking Distance." The story explores nostalgia and how the past may not be as great as we want to remember it. Although TZ has touched on this material a number of times, there are other ways to spin the tale. Unfortunately, this episode did not change things up enough to make it feel unique in comparison to those other episodes.

This time around we have the titular Horace Ford who comes off as autistic or something. He keeps yelling his dialogue, going off into weird tangents about his own life as if others have experienced the events alongside him, changes subjects on an incoherent whim, and cannot adjust properly or interact normally. I really don't know what TZ was trying to display here. Nevertheless, Horace works as a toy designer which is perfect since he acts like a big kid and only talks about toys and games. Even with all of these issues, Horace still has a wife somehow. There is also a weird dynamic with Horace's mom living with them and the wife having to baby the mother. Again, I don't know what this is all about since a lot of throwaway details are added that go nowhere.

I think the episode was trying to portray a mid-life crisis before the concept had been established since Horace doesn't go off the deep end until his 38th birthday approaches. Horace revisits the street he grew up on, to reminisce, only to discover it's exactly as lively and amusing as he remembers it. Plus, three cents for a hotdog?! Umm, hello! I do dream of being a fatass time traveler, after all! Anyway, Horace is unnerved when he sees his friends are there as well but just as young as ever. The story somewhat explores the notion that you glamorize your memories, but they don't contrast it enough; we only see the mundane life Horace lives and the childhood he longs for...not the opposing sides. This, revisiting the street process, occurs a few times with Horace becoming more and more unstable with each passing. The wife sort of believes Horace since each night a boy visits their apartment to return a watch Horace drops. Toward the end, Horace's crazy antics get him fired from his job and this leads to him turning back into a kid at one point. His childhood friends beat him up for whatever reason too. The wife tries to find Horace, and we see how drab the street truly is. The wife gets Horace to turn back into an adult and they discuss how things aren't always as we remember. And that's pretty much it. Ehhh...there's nothing here we haven't heard before. The trouble is, other episodes did it better and did it first. I get that there is something about the growing up aspect, but the ideas aren't focused enough to bring clarity to the narrative.

Of Late I Think of Cliffordville

Description: Season 4, Episode 14

Air Date: April 11, 1963

Plot Summary: A business tycoon makes a deal with the devil to travel back in time in order to capitalize on his advanced knowledge of the future.

Review: This episode has a lot working in its favor, but, alas, the ridiculous overacting and predictability practically kills it. This episode even boasts the infamous Julie Newmar playing the devil no less. She certainly indulges in the role and adds a layer of sexiness to it. In fact, there is one moment where she, sort of, giggles to herself--it's half maniacal, half orgasmic, but 100% hot! It's disheartening that she only appears twice in the story however. Womp womp.

So we meet the asshole tycoon, named Feathersmith, just as he has destroyed his main business rival and acquired the final touch on his business empire. Later that night, Feathersmith slips into drunken disappointment as he realizes he had more fun pursuing his goals rather than completing them. This leads to Feathersmith reminiscing about the good ol' days of Cliffordville--a small town he grew up in. By the way, Feathersmith comes off ridiculously over the top and unrealistic. This is further hindered by the immediate realization that his janitor, Hecate, will obviously switch positions with Feathersmith by episode's end; you see, both men came from beloved Cliffordville, and the story emphasizes their different paths to put them where they belong.

Attempting to leave, Feathersmith is stopped on a different floor where he comes across the devil or whatever she was supposed to be. The devil, realizing what Feathersmith wants, offers him the chance to travel back in time. Feathersmith likes this proposition, but, suspecting a trick, he tries to set the terms of the time traveling to work in his favor. He wants to make sure he's still young, has his memories of the past 50 years intact (to manipulate time in his favor), and a guarantee that the town will not be altered when he gets there. Agreeing with these terms, the two discuss the price, but the devil reveals she already has Feathersmith's soul due to him being naturally evil. For whatever nonsensical reason, the devil wants Feathersmith's money. Eh, I don't know. Many continuity aspects stop making sense here. I mean, Feathersmith is left with a certain amount of money from the present yet what happened to the original timeline's version of him? I think it's best not to overthink this, because it flat out is loaded with plot holes.

Arriving in the past, and now young, Feathersmith thinks he's a genius as he tries to trick everyone around him with his knowledge. This part is admittedly funny especially when he keeps calling the young Hecate "Rip" as in Rip Van Winkle due to his sleeping. On top of that, the episode highlights how our vision of the past tends to be romanticized. For example, Feathersmith liked a young girl once, and now he sees she was a complete imbecile. Anyway, Feathersmith buys up a lot of land (he knows has oil under it) with his remaining money only to realize the drills to get to it haven't been invented yet. As time goes on, Feathersmith realizes his memories aren't exactly perfect as he's forgotten the natural progression of the world over a 50 year time frame. Soon people think he's an idiot speaking sheer nonsense about things not yet invented.

The devil later reveals that Feathersmith is a fool who was only successful at lying, stealing, and manipulating people--he had no real knowledge of what it took to keep his industries afloat at the ground level. Another trick revealed is that, although Feathersmith looks young, his internal body is still that of an old man. Wanting desperately to flee back to the future, the devil agrees to this as long as he pays her. This means Feathersmith must give up the only thing he has left--a deed to the land with the oil under it. Big shock, he sells it to Hecate. Now in the future again--surprise--Hecate is now the tycoon, due to the oil, and Feathersmith is simply the janitor; all of this is because of the time changes in the past. The episode concludes in the most lackluster of ways as we don't get a final sense of justice. I mean, it's not like Feathersmith learned his lesson really. I'd say Feathersmith doesn't even appear to remember the original timeline so it's all moot. If anything, due to the nonsensical request for money from the devil, it should have been revealed that someone else sold their soul in order for the devil to do this to Feathersmith. I don't know...I like a lot about this episode, but it's undeniably predictable and flawed. And, seriously, the overacting has to be seen to be believed. A mixed bag I suppose--certainly some great ideas and themes but boggled down by weak execution.

The New Exhibit

Description: Season 4, Episode 13

Air Date: April 4, 1963

Plot Summary: The curator of a wax museum descends into madness after the closing of the museum.

Review: Not only is this the best episode of season 4, but I would rank this very high in the underrated list. This episode kind of has it all: a title with poetic meaning, genuine scares, an awesome premise, and a final twist that leaves the audience wondering what really happened. It's also worth mentioning that the main character, Martin, is played by, the similarly named, Martin Balsam. Although he had appeared in a previous episode, Mr. Balsam famously appeared in "Psycho." This episode does appear to have many psychological horror elements that would complement "Psycho" quite well.

The story begins by showcasing the wax museum in all its glory as Martin provides an ominous tour. Martin mostly focuses on taking care of the exhibits featuring various serial killers like Jack the Ripper. The setup is surprisingly engaging as they've rigged the arm of the Ripper to take a swing at Martin by the tour's end. It doesn't take long to realize Martin is a tad obsessed with his work and meticulously cares for the wax figures. This obsession will obviously pique when the museum's owner decides to close after being offered a deal for the property. Unable to let go, Martin asks if he can store the wax figures in his home until a suitable location can be found; ideally, he wants to open his own museum. The owner agrees as Martin sets up an area in his basement, with an air conditioner, much to the dismay of his potato pancake wife, Emma. To be fair, Emma's reaction would probably be most people's reaction to having a bunch of creepy wax figures in their basement...but, come on, I need more chances to call people potato pancakes!

Emma observes Martin's spiral into insanity as he begins to spend all of his time in the basement maintaining the figures--talking to them as if they're his children or something. Of course it becomes a big deal when the money to maintain the figures runs out, and Emma whines to her brother for assistance. The brother suggests to unplug the air conditioner and let the figures melt, but, when that potato pancakes tries it, the figures kill her. This might very well be TZ's slasher equivalent, but they present it tastefully. Anyway, Martin finds Emma's body and is only momentarily bothered; if anything, he's annoyed that the figures are misbehaving. Burying the body in cement, Martin is further bothered by Emma's brother snooping around. When the brother realizes something is off, he breaks into the house that night and is killed by another of the figures. Well, it should come as no surprise that Martin definitely shrugs that death off as no big deal.

Martin finally loses it when the museum owner comes by to reclaim the wax figures for some French museum. Martin goes to retrieve tea as another figure kills the owner, but the owner was kind of like Martin's mentor in a way. It's really fascinating to understand Martin's mentality since he's noticeably more distraught over the loss of the owner than his wife. In a fit of rage, Martin declares that he will destroy the wax figures just as they all come to life at once. This is an awesome scene! As the figures creepily approach Martin, they explain that he was the one killing everyone all along. We then skip ahead to some time later when the figures are at that French museum. The only difference now is that the French museum has--you guessed it--a new exhibit in the form of Martin. The curator here explains that Martin was a bizarre serial killer too, and now he is forever immortalized alongside the figures he cared for. What a perfect ending!

I thoroughly enjoy that the episode keeps it vague as to whether or not Martin really was killing everyone. Martin does have alibis, but was he simply imagining himself as the figures? Maybe Martin's obsessive care channeled his will into them? Maybe they were the living embodiments of the forms that they were based on? There is a lot going on in this episode to consider. Martin definitely was not a sane individual and was not bothered or concerned with these people dying or the results of them going missing. I like this kind of descent into madness--it makes it ambiguous as to what is real and what's not and TZ handled the material excellently. I'm just shocked that this episode hardly receives any recognition. Maybe it did go on a little too long, but this was one of the few episodes that needed the extra time to establish a film-like experience.