I Dream of Genie

Description: Season 4, Episode 12

Air Date: March 21, 1963

Plot Summary: After unwittingly buying a magic lamp, a man contemplates what his one wish should be.

Review: I suppose this could be the inspiration for the show, "I Dream of Jeannie," but I don't know if that was a popular phrase once upon a time. Either way, the genie here certainly is no Barbara Eden! In fact, the genie is played by Jack Albertson--better known as Grandpa Joe from "Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory." This is supposed to be a humorous episode, but there is one, reoccurring joke and it gets old quickly; that joke being that the main guy, George, is a little bitch-boy. The story was decent for what it was, and differentiates itself from "The Man in the Bottle" episode, but they lose momentum about halfway through.

You have George, in his full bitch-boy glory, at the start of the episode being coerced into buying the magic lamp. The lamp is actually intended to be a birthday gift for his co-worker, and crush, Ann. Ann is--well--the office skank. I love the massive levels of sexual harassment, inappropriate behavior, and sheer shenanigans at this office. Though, I'm sure the PC retards of today wouldn't be able to distinguish this amusing depiction of fiction from reality. Regardless, Ann appears to go for George's other co-worker, Roger, who gave Ann, what I'm guessing was, lingerie. Ehh...George could do better than this girl.

Wimping out on giving the gift, George goes home where he discovers the magic lamp's true power and the genie inside. Supposedly people were abusing the wishes of the past so they reduced the number of wishes down to one. Lame. George decides to take his time to consider what he wants as he imagines various scenarios unfolding based on possible wishes. Essentially, George's bitch-boy level is too high and makes every scenario go wrong. His first idea was to wish for Ann to be the most famous movie star and he as her husband. Whaaaaat?! You'd waste a magic wish--that could give you anything imagined in the universe--on merely becoming the husband to a bimbo? Wow...just wow. Even in George's fantasy Ann cheats on him! How apropos. George next imagines having money but growing bored of being able to have everything without effort. His final idea is to be powerful so he imagines being the president. That's a good one. Yes, the puppet in chief is soooo powerful. But this dream is shattered when aliens attack and he can't decide on a course of action. You're killing me here, Georgie! Realizing the truth--that he's a bitch-boy--George makes the best wish he could in his position: he goes the Jafar route and turns himself into a genie. The difference is that he intends to grant wishes to those in need and places his lamp in an area with homeless people. That's surprisingly a noble sentiment.

Overall, this is an interesting episode, as most genie-themed stories tend to be, but there needed to be an extra layer of humor beyond constantly beating it into the audience that George is a pushover; this episode did make me laugh a bit, but I started to get bored by the time he was imagining being rich. I'd probably rate this as an average episode that would have been more successful in the 30 minute format. Good ideas, without a doubt, but the execution was lacking in stretching out those ideas.

The Parallel

Description: Season 4, Episode 11

Air Date: March 14, 1963

Plot Summary: After coming down from orbit, an astronaut finds himself in an alternate reality.

Review: This episode has an intriguing plot line, but they don't capitalize on the material enough to make it interesting. We have an astronaut, named Gaines, who is performing what is meant to be a routine entry into Earth's orbit. Unfortunately, he disappears from every kind of instrument while experiencing some kind of flashing light. When Gaines wakes up in a hospital, he has miraculously landed his capsule and remembers nothing after seeing the light. Although it's never explained why, Gaines' family feels there is something unusual about him--a kind of innate awareness. Gaines too suspects something is wrong as he's told his memories about various events are jumbled up. Obviously this is not true as Gaines realizes a lot of things, even in history, are different than his memory. Gaines realizes he has inexplicably crossed into a parallel universe where only minute details have shifted compared to his world. When Gaines is confronted about the capsule subtly having alterations, he is magically transported back to the moment of the flashing light. Coming down from orbit, Gaines is relieved to learn he is back in his own world with a family that recognizes him. The military doesn't believe his story at first until they detect another capsule on their instruments before it too disappears; they conclude that that must have been the other universe's Gaines crossing through our world. And that's all there really is to it--nothing special or a final twist.

Ehh, it's not that this episode is bad, per se, but it doesn't go anywhere and drags despite having a ton of material to work with. I also felt there should have been a major revelation along the way. Something along the lines of Gaines discovering a change in the alternate reality so significant he knew he couldn't stay. You know, like the Axis powers won WWII or the Allies immediately went to war with Russia after WWII as many wanted to do. That could have opened the material up further to explore different ideas.

No Time Like the Past

Description: Season 4, Episode 10

Air Date: March 7, 1963

Plot Summary: A man travels through time in an attempt to correct the various moments he believes led humanity astray.

Review: This is an interesting story in one respect, but it's far too similar to the episode "Back There" which managed to tell the same, fundamental tale in half the time. Strangely enough, I'd argue this episode inspired "Back to the Future Part III." So we have a guy, named Driscoll, who can't stand the present day of 1963 and wants to alter the past. He makes three initial trips: first to Hiroshima before it was hit with an atomic bomb, then to Berlin to kill Hitler before starting WWII, and last to 1915 in order to prevent the sinking of the Lusitania. Each attempt ends in failure as no one will listen to him in Japan, a suspicious maid gets soldiers to prevent Hitler's assassination, and the captain of the Lusitania won't listen either. It would appear time is not meant to change despite the episode addressing that tiny changes could start a butterfly effect across history. However, my issue is that I don't understand how the time traveling works here. Driscoll seems able to go to wherever and whenever with various supplies at his disposal yet he has no devices or anything to assist. In other words, he is able to leap through time by sheer willpower...somehow. There is a time machine in the present, but there is no sense of control over it. Ehh, they needed more effort in this regard.

Deciding to scrap his plans, Driscoll heads to 1881 in order to live a simpler life. Odd...he'd only have about 30 years before WWI came along; I suppose he anticipated he'd be dead or too old to care or something. While enjoying the peace, Driscoll remembers that president Garfield's assassination was coming up and contemplates intervention. He is also torn between a teacher he is romantically interested in and his desire not to change the past. This problem is exacerbated by the revelation that the teacher's schoolchildren will be burned in a fire. Deciding he will break his rule, and attempting to alter the events, Driscoll inadvertently triggers the very series of events he was trying to prevent. Driscoll realizes that time is set and that his actions were already meant to occur. With this newfound understanding, Driscoll returns to the present to live out his life rather than dwelling upon the past. Not a bad sentiment at all. Although there are slightly different themes than "Back There," the overall ideas are the same as well as the outcomes.

Printer's Devil

Description: Season 4, Episode 9

Air Date: February 28, 1963

Plot Summary: After realizing his newspaper business is bankrupt, a man attempts to commit suicide but is persuaded to work with the devil.

Review: This is a pretty cool episode made significantly better by Burgess Meredith's portrayal of the devil. The story feels like an old folktale with the devil trying to swindle people with crafty deals and taking on fake identities. In this instance, the unwitting fool is Doug, the owner of a local newspaper company on the verge of bankruptcy. Doug's main problem is his outdated setup that cannot keep up with a new competitor that has Doug's paper beat in every respect. When Doug's best guy quits, and the realization that it's all over hits home, Doug goes to a bridge in order to commit suicide. I don't blame Doug, his annoying girlfriend would not shut the fuck up about the guy that quit; the dude was working for 2 months without pay, bitch! As chance would have it, Doug's suicide in interrupted by an old man calling himself Mr. Smith. Appearing to be heaven-sent, Mr. Smith wants to work with Doug, is a prodigy on the linotype (an old printing machine), and offers up plenty of money to keep the newspaper afloat for the time being.

Before you know it, Mr. Smith is printing all kinds of scoops that not even the competition can get fast enough. Strangely enough, these scoops tend to be increasingly more dramatic events for, what's an otherwise, little town. Doug and his girlfriend do question all of these coincidences, but the success has them blinded. One day, Mr. Smith explains himself as he wants Doug to sign a contract that gives Mr. Smith his soul. Somewhat tricked, Doug does sign away his soul as Mr. Smith is genuinely revealed to be the devil, and he is the one who has been causing all the chaos in the area. When Doug tries to get rid of Mr. Smith, he willing decides to go, but he wants Doug to kill himself or else Mr. Smith will kill the girlfriend; the devil wants to collect the soul now. I did like how Mr. Smith whispered something in the girlfriend's ear that made her slap him. Since they make this devil out to be as horny as they could get away in the '60s, it's kind of funny to imagine what TZ was implying he said.

Mulling over the idea of committing suicide to save the girlfriend, Doug realizes a possible way out. It would appear the linotype itself can write the future so Doug uses it to prevent his girlfriend's death as well as to break the contract with Mr. Smith. This ending is a bit rushed, as we don't get a final resolution for Mr. Smith, but it felt appropriate enough. The subtle nature of Mr. Meredith as the devil definitely makes this episode stand out since he comes off more as that trickster type from folklore. Overall, this was a proper way to spread out the extended running time while keeping things interesting.

Miniature

Description: Season 4, Episode 8

Air Date: February 21, 1963

Plot Summary: An odd man becomes obsessed with a dollhouse that he believes has living people inside.

Review: This is definitely ranked among the weirdest of episodes. Robert Duvall stars as Charley, a Norman Bates-esque guy who loses his mind in the most nonchalant way possible. Apparently Charley is a robotic-like person that goes with the flow and shows little emotion. One day Charley is fired from his job for "not fitting in" which apparently was a legitimate reason to fire someone back then. The boss also makes a jab at Charley for living with his mom. Ouch. Speaking of such, the mom is a bit on the emotional side, but I wouldn't say she was that bad; she does baby Charley though by making his bed and taking off his shoes for him. Uhhh...okaaaay. Maybe she is worse than I thought. Most people think Charley is weird, but they keep implying the reason is because he doesn't have a girlfriend. If this weren't the '60s, I'm sure they would have suspected him to be gay.

One day, while at a museum, Charley stumbles across a weird dollhouse exhibit that catches his attention. Inside is a beautiful woman who Charley instantly falls in love with. Every other onlooker simply sees a doll, but Charley claims that it's a living woman going about everyday life. They really don't go into much detail beyond this so you have to accept this aspect at face value. Charley's sister tries to set him up with a date, but the girl is the '60s equivalent of a skank. The sister even says you don't have to tell the girl you're coming, just show up! That's a good one. At one point, Charley believes the doll-woman is going to be raped--or at least that's what's implied--and he breaks the dollhouse's display case to stop it. This act leads to the institutionalization of Charley as they try to explain to him that what he's seeing is only real in his mind. I definitely loved the psychiatrist here; he tries to explain to Charley's family the difference between being normal and conformity. TZ was usually pretty understanding and considerate to mental illnesses or misdiagnoses of said mental illnesses. Charley fakes getting better just so he can return to see the dollhouse. When the family, psychiatrist, and police try to find him at the museum, he, of course, managed to get himself inside of the dollhouse's world to be with his love interest. The episode ends how you would expect, and the only person who realizes the truth was a guard who came to know Charley from the daily visits.

It's tough to really say if this episode is good or bad since I'm not entirely sure what they were going for. Was this supposed to be a love story of sorts or a twisted spiral into madness? Was Charley truly insane or did he manifest his wants and desires into reality? We don't get a lot to work with beyond the clearly bizarre aspects of Charley's life. Your guess is as good as mine as to what was going on here.

Jess-Belle

Description: Season 4, Episode 7

Air Date: February 14, 1963

Plot Summary: A woman makes a pact with a witch in order to win the love of a man about to be married to another woman.

Review: I guess this was supposed to be TZ's equivalent of a Valentine's Day episode, but it's far too similar to "The Chaser;" they simply swapped the genders. It's supposed to be the 1800s or whatever, and the titular character, Jess-Belle, is completely smitten with some fool named Billy-boy. Jess-Belle is played by Anne Francis, who we last saw in "The After Hours" (minus her blonde hair), but she still has the chocolate chip on her lip. Anyway, Billy-boy is about to marry a little flower named Elly, and, needless to say, Jess-Belle is jealous and angry. This episode subtly implies a lot of banging went on between the characters so I'll give them credit in that regard. Jess-Belle decides she will try and get a love potion from a local witch who happily obliges as long as her price is met; unbeknownst to Jess-Belle, that price would be her soul.

Without fail, Billy-boy can't help but be madly in love with Jess-Belle after he becomes bewitched. For some reason, Elly realizes this truth but doesn't act out; I guess it wouldn't be lady-like or something. Jess-Belle's happiness is short-lived, however, since she feels an emptiness due to her soul being taken as well as transforming into a leopard (or whatever) at midnight each night. Since season 4 episodes must be dragged out, we get a lot of Jess-Belle mulling over the situation at hand before she is killed by the townspeople in her wildcat form. Instead of dying normally, Jess-Belle's spirit takes new forms since she has been turned into a witch too. As the spell-broken Billy-boy reunites and marries Elly, the two are tormented by Jess-Belle. After paying money to the first witch, Billy-boy learns he must stab an effigy of Jess-Belle with silver in order to permanently kill her. With Jess-Belle possessing Elly's body, Billy-boy does manage to kill Jess-Belle's spirit for good as he and Elly seemingly live happily ever after. This isn't necessarily a bad episode, but it felt all too familiar. It's worth noting that there were interesting ideas and a whimsical feel to everything. I just wish they had a cool twist or revelation to leave an impression on the viewer. I'd simply rate this among the average episodes--okay ideas but nothing special.

Death Ship

Description: Season 4, Episode 6

Air Date: February 7, 1963

Plot Summary: A crew of three men, exploring the galaxy for habitable planets, strangely stumble across their own ship's wreckage.

Review: I like the idea behind this episode, but it really should have been shortened to the original 30 minutes. The way the story is structured fits TZ's old formula perfectly and the ending wouldn't have felt as lackluster had they cut to the chase so to speak. The efforts to make the plot more drawn out are noticeable with unnecessary tangents padding out the running time. On the positive side, Jack Klugman returns for another performance as the captain of the three men.

In a nutshell, a crew is scanning various planets trying to find places to colonize. When passing over a planet that is habitable, one of the crew members detects a faint glimmer. Believing this to be their first contact with aliens, the crew is shocked to discover it is wreckage from a human ship. Upon further inspection, the crew comes face to face with their own dead bodies--the crashed ship is their own! Trying to formulate various explanations as to what is occurring, the crew experiences instances of, what can only be described as, entering a ghostly plane of existence. The captain reassures the crew that they are most certainly not dead, and there must be a rational explanation such as a time warp or illusions by aliens. I wish the episode played around with these ideas or at least kept things vague, but, alas, the most obvious explanation is the correct one: they are, in fact, ghosts. The explanation for why they continue on is due to the captain convincing them to the contrary. Meaning, the captain's ghost is preventing his crew from embracing and realizing the truth about their deaths. As the episode ends, we learn that they are trapped in a loop--probably for eternity. Ehh...it's really not a bad episode at all. The premise is good, but it overstays its welcome when you know how it will end by the 15 minute mark. They could have toyed with the audience more but oh well.

Mute

Description: Season 4, Episode 5

Air Date: January 31, 1963

Plot Summary: After her family dies in a fire, a mysterious girl is taken in by the town sheriff and his wife.

Review: This is a rather bizarre episode, but it's very original at the same time. The story played out like a full-fledged movie which is unusual even for TZ. The episode starts off with weird scientists proclaiming that humans were once telepathic. Right. I can buy a lot of bullshit, but that's a tough sell. Years later, the experiment is in full swing as the scientists have accessed their children's latent, telepathic powers. As fate would have it, one girl's parents are accidentally killed in a fire which leaves her alone in a world where she doesn't understand any form of communication but telepathy. This girl, Ilse, played quite well by Ann Jillian, is taken in by the local sheriff and his emotionally unstable wife. Well, she comes off unstable to me. Conveniently enough, this couple's daughter died recently and, of course, Ilse reminds them of said daughter.

You may think this is going to turn into some Carrie White plot line or that Ilse killed the parents, but, surprisingly, they transition the tale into a family drama; it definitely could have worked as straight horror though. The wife develops a love for the girl as she helps Ilse cope with her new surroundings. The sheriff is rightfully cautious since it's obvious the wife is desperate to fill the void of the dead daughter. Nevertheless, the couple grows fond of Ilse and tries to adopt her. Around this point, some bitchy teacher bullies Ilse into learning how to speak which conflicts with her telepathy. The episode almost loses itself here as it starts to go on a tangent about Ilse losing what makes her special, the teacher talking sheer nonsense about Ilse being a medium, and other scientists from the experiment deciding to let Ilse stay with the sheriff and his wife. Ehhh...if you watched enough dramas from the '50s and '60s this kind of plot convolution shouldn't be surprising, but it is still annoying. Ilse does learn to speak which makes her lose her telepathy, but, at the same time, they acknowledge that her parents never really loved her and only saw her as a test subject. Well, that's fucked up. Ilse is finally adopted by the couple and appears to live a happy and normal life with parents who genuinely love and care for her.

There are a lot of ideas bouncing around here that don't fully come together. I did like the uniqueness and movie-like presentation, but the story feels shallow nonetheless. It's hard to explain, but the devil is in the details; we needed explanations in a few more facets to truly grasp the plot. A mother-daughter tale was a welcome change of pace despite the unresolved aspect of the dead daughter. Overall, this is a mixed bag of interesting concepts that weren't explored properly despite the increased time allotted. I don't blame the writers though as they were just trying to keep TZ afloat with stories they could pad out for the extra 30 minutes. This doesn't mean that the episode is bad, since it was actually enjoyable, but it needed that extra oomph to make it memorable.