The Dummy

Description: Season 3, Episode 33

Air Date: May 4, 1962

Plot Summary: A ventriloquist goes crazy after he becomes convinced his dummy is alive.

Review: Although they are incredibly similar, and I mix them up from time to time, this episode is not to be confused with "Caesar and Me" from season 5. The story is supposed to be scary here, but I think "Caesar and Me" was able to pull it off slightly better; and obviously both stories pale in comparison to "Living Doll." Anyway, we meet a ventriloquist named Jerry and his little friend, Willie. That doesn't sound right. Although Jerry has a successful gig going on, he has bumbled the fame by becoming an alcoholic. At the same time, Jerry appears to be going insane--completely convinced Willie is alive. No one believes this notion to be true as they attribute Jerry's shenanigans to heavy drinking and probably needing psychiatric help. However, this is the Twilight Zone after all, and Willie really is alive through some kind of tulpa phenomenon--willed into existence or whatever. I did like that aspect to the plot, but it's ill-defined and brushed over far too quickly. In the final twist it is revealed that Willie and Jerry have traded positions of dummy and ventriloquist. I suppose that might freak out the kiddies in '62. I wish they spent more time toying with the scares rather than stressing the alcoholic angle but oh well...at least the background dancers were hot. Overall, this is a decent episode. It needed a bit of polish, but it had a decently creepy atmosphere and tone.

The Gift

Description: Season 3, Episode 32

Air Date: April 27, 1962

Plot Summary: A quiet, little town, in the middle of nowhere, encounters and misunderstands the intentions of an alien.

Review: That plot summary pretty much sums up the entire episode in a nutshell. There really isn't much going on in this episode, and it's probably one of the worst when all things are considered. Although the message is commendable, and still relevant, it's not handled properly. Essentially, all that happens is a conveniently human-looking alien shows up on Earth--in Mexico to be precise-but is shot by a small town cop. Somehow the alien and the cop had a misunderstanding of sorts and the alien kills the dumbass cop. This isn't Han vs. Greedo here so I don't care who shot first. To fill the episode out a bit, they throw in a bullshit plot line about a little boy also being an alien (or whatever the hell that was about). Well, the kid's dialogue is delivered as if he's from another planet so there's that. Eventually the military, or whoever, shows up to take care of this feeble threat. Like idiots, they blow the alien away without listening to the reason behind his coming to Earth. Once the alien is dead, a doctor looks at a booklet-esque item that was intended as the titular gift. As it would turn out, the alien was bringing the cure for cancer as a peace offering (yeah, okaaaaaay), but these simpletons killed him too hastily. Ehhhh...it's a nice attempt, but there was, maybe, enough material for like 5 minutes; they dragged this one out that's for sure. If I recall correctly, the '90s version of "The Outer Limits" touched on this subject more thoroughly and less predictably. I'm really surprised this episode sucked this much as TZ infamously was always trying to save money with as few extras as possible. Did they think this episode's story was worth the extra money?!

The Trade-Ins

Description: Season 3, Episode 31

Air Date: April 13, 1962

Plot Summary: A dying old couple wants to buy new, younger bodies as antics ensue.

Review: This is another instance where they had a good idea, but its themes are more thoroughly explored in a later episode ("Number 12 Looks Just Like You" to be precise). This isn't to say that this episode offers nothing of worth, because it does take a slightly different approach. In comparison, however, this episode feels a bit empty and the futuristic setting needed serious details. For this story we have an old couple who are on their last leg as they consider life extending possibilities. I mean, as far as I know, this is still 1962, but apparently there are now some kind of clone bodies or androids or whatever the hell these things are supposed to be. The new bodies appear to be organic yet they can sit around, inactive, and last over 100+ years without aging magically. I think this kind of advanced technology needs some explaining as that level of technological advancement would influence all of civilization. But okay, sure, let's roll with it.

So they explain that the procedure transfers your mind into one of these new bodies and you simply live anew. It costs $5,000 to get one of these bodies, but the couple only has enough for one of them. I checked to see what this equals in today's terms and it's roughly $40k; that's not too bad for getting a new body that lets you live an extra 100 or so years. The episode tries to emphasize how much the old couple loves each other, but this makes me laugh. I can just see this shit nowaday...can't even get a lot of marriages past the first couple years and now we're adding eternity to the mix?! Good luck with that. Now if they offered some kind of customizable android spouse--preferably of the Rika variety--now you're talking. Anyway, I wish this episode went more into depth as to why this couple loves each other or made this dilemma question their love and made it stronger through the struggle...or just any real conflict. There were so many directions you could have come at this material--it's truly astounding that they wasted the potential. Instead of anything interesting, we get the old man trying to gamble with a card shark, or whatever he was, and he conveniently takes pity upon the old man. Oh, yeah, criminals and their hearts of gold. I don't even know what the hell happened here, but somehow the old man still doesn't make any money from this.

The old man then decides to get the new body first, work to earn money for the wife, and I guess live happily ever after. After getting the new body, however, the wife acts like she's having a damn heart attack (calm down, hun), and the guy decides to stick with being old. Well, thanks for wasting everyone's time. Going back to that heart attack-esque nonsense...that reminds me that this crazy lady was almost having an orgasm earlier. I don't know about you, but I do not want to hear any old lady screaming "YES, YES, YES, etc." in quick succession! Just don't close your eyes during that scene! Hell, it's bad enough that the old guy says every night will be a "honeymoon." My fucking goodness...

Giving up their dreams of youth, the old couple decides to die like normal people. And I say rightfully so. What kind of hell on earth would this future be? We're already living in a cross between "1984" and "Brave New World," but can you imagine not even knowing who is a real young person or who is an old person in a new body? How would that even work? How would you know anyone's true identity anymore too? Not to mention, this would lead to various bias and elitism beyond what we see today. I already know if this technology were ever introduced we'd never see the end to the world's worst people. Ugh...the implications of this scenario are too horrifying to imagine. I'm sure it sounds like a great deal to insane people, but live, love, and die with some fucking dignity. We will definitely come back to this subject once we get to season 5.

Hocus-Pocus and Frisby

Description: Season 3, Episode 30

Air Date: April 13, 1962

Plot Summary: A notorious liar ends up getting abducted by aliens with ensuing antics obviously.

Review: This is another episode I want to hate but just can't bring myself to it--it's too funny. I'll admit, the story's handling is so poorly done it's pathetic, but the core joke and its presentation are fun and enjoyable. You have a guy named Frisby who is the ultimate Jedi master of bullshit. When he's not too busy creating a life-altering invention, getting another doctorate, or saving the world he's apparently lounging around his shop like a fat ass. In a humorous twist of fate, aliens who cannot understand the concept of a lie take notice of Frisby's outlandish tales as if they are his real experiences. I like how they telepathically tell Frisby to walk down the street and he will have an adventure. Oh, yeah, sure, nothing entices me like a voice in my head saying to go on an adventure; actually, it probably depends on how sexy that voice is. Lingering a bit too long, the aliens use a kind of tractor beam to pull Frisby to their spaceship's location. Frisby tries to explain to the aliens the notion of a lie and that he's simply a Jedi master of the bullshit arts, but the aliens cannot comprehend this idea. However, once Frisby realizes the aliens want him to be in a kind of zoo, he tries to fight one (yeah, that's gonna work) and faints when he sees what their real faces look like. In another ridiculous turn of events, Frisby plays his harmonica to ease his fears, but this turns out to be a fatal weakness to the aliens. Free of the ship and aliens, Frisby returns home to tell the locals about his experience nearly getting probed and they laugh it off. Oh, Frisby! What can I say, the episode is corny as fuck, but I couldn't help but to be entertained. At the same time, it's simply the '60s version of the boy who cried wolf which Mr. Serling even mentions.

Four O'Clock

Description: Season 3, Episode 29

Air Date: April 6, 1962

Plot Summary: A total weirdo believes all the evil people of the world will be shrunk to two feet tall at--you guessed it--four o'clock.

Review: I really want to hate this episode for how outlandish and stupid the plot is, but, for some reason, I mildly enjoy it. Who knows, maybe it'll still end up on the worst episode list regardless, because, let's face it, this episode is ridiculous. We meet a weirdo named Crangle as he relentlessly harasses people he believes are evil. Don't ask me where this guy gets all of his information from when the only resources he has at his disposal are a phone, his kinda cool haircut, and a little birdie. I get the distinct feeling Crangle was a forerunner for the NSA or something. Crangle has grown wary of all the evil people in the world and declares that they will meet an ill fate through his sheer willpower. After a bit of shenanigans, that fate translates into all the evil people being shrunk down to two feet tall at exactly four o'clock. I like how Crangle imagines the suffering one would experience when being that short...what a way to stick it to kids and little people. For no apparent reason, the FBI becomes interested in Crangle's madness, which is preposterous, but okay. After Crangle reveals how crazy he is to the FBI agent, he won't shut up about "two feet tall" every other second. When four o'clock finally draws near, it is Crangle who is the only one shrunk down to two feet tall. Oh nooooo, the irony. Psh...corny as fuck, but that's a good one. Eh, there are worse fates out there ol' Crangle, buddy. Overall, this episode is bizarre and cartoonish, but that's sort of the charm to the presentation.

The Little People

Description: Season 3, Episode 28

Air Date: March 30, 1962

Plot Summary: A stranded astronaut discovers tiny aliens that he tries to rule over as a god.

Review: We come now to yet another classic episode, although, this one doesn't quite hold up as well as others. Despite a few limitations in the scope of the story, the message is still relevant nonetheless. We meet two astronauts, Fletcher and Craig, as they have been stranded on a random planet. Fletcher attempts to repair the ship while Craig meanders about in the most asshole fashion possible. With limited supplies, Fletcher notices Craig is well taken care of despite his rations going untouched. As it would turn out, a tiny race of aliens inhabit the planet and are being forced to treat Craig as a god since he can easily destroy them. Fletcher realizes Craig is losing his mind from this power trip, attempts to knock some sense into him, and Fletcher hastens his efforts to repair the ship. After miraculously repairing the ship, Fletcher tries to collect Craig--to remove him from the situation blowing his ego out of proportion--but Craig tells Fletcher to leave by himself or he will shoot him. In classic TZ style, shortly after Fletcher has departed, other alien explorers appear who are gigantic and see Craig as nothing but the size of an insect. Accidentally killing Craig, the giant aliens leave and the little aliens are free of their tormentor. It's certainly a fitting end, though, would the little aliens even be able to perceive the giant aliens? Wouldn't their size fill the limits of the little aliens' gaze? Oh well. I really like the way Craig is depicted as a complete lunatic toward the end while highlighting the idea that many people would exploit those helpless to stop them. If only such comeuppance would occur more frequently in reality!

Person or Persons Unknown

Description: Season 3, Episode 27

Air Date: March 23, 1962

Plot Summary: After a crazy bender, a man awakens to a world where no one remembers him.

Review: I really want to like this episode, but I'm not entirely sure if it does enough to distinguish itself from episodes like "And When the Sky was Opened" and "Perchance to Dream." There are certainly interesting ideas to consider, and a few humorous moments, but the ending is forced and there weren't enough implications in the story to draw any feasible conclusions. The story simply involves a guy named Dave Gurney (who will say his name a hundred times) as he wakes up from a night of next level drinking. His hag of a wife doesn't stir despite him touching her, rolling around on the bed, and talking quite loudly; what kind of meds was this chick on?! When getting ready for work, Dave finally gets that wife up, and she claims she has no idea who he is. For whatever reason, Dave brushes this off and goes to work where the same routine occurs of no one knowing him. This leads to him being arrested and then committed, because what else would you do with someone in the '60s? This part was kind of annoying since the psychiatrist keeps trying to explain to Dave how he's crazy despite the fact that Dave knows all these individuals' names, histories, phone numbers, etc. Maybe nowaday you could pull that off, but, back then, it would at least make a rational person curious as to how this guy knows everything. But, alas, the psychiatrist won't listen which forces Dave to jump out a window randomly. Don't worry though, they were on the first floor and everyone knows broken glass can't hurt you in TV-land.

Dave sets out to prove someone or thing is trying to erase him from existence by checking out various details in his life no one would have known about. First he goes to his favorite bar, pulling a reverse "Cheers," and second to a photography place or whatever it was supposed to be. At first Dave finds a photo of he and his wife, but the psychiatrist shows up seconds later and the photo has changed to just Dave. Crying like a bitch, Dave wakes up from another drunken stupor and now his wife recognizes him. All seems to be well except Dave doesn't know who the woman is that claims to be his wife. Look buddy, this new chick is A LOT better looking than your last wife so just relax and go with it! Overall, it's not too bad of an episode despite all the similarities. If there was a final plot point that tied things up, or left an inference for the audience, I would have liked this episode significantly more. As it stands, we are left with too many unanswered questions that we were already left wondering about in those other episodes.

Little Girl Lost

Description: Season 3, Episode 26

Air Date: March 16, 1962

Plot Summary: A little girl inexplicably falls into a different dimension, like a dumbass, and won't shut up!

Review: I want to say this is one of the worst episodes, but it did have a few ideas that I imagine would have been innovative for the time. It's tough because nothing really happens, and the titular little girl is beyond annoying; though, it's not really her fault as much as the ridiculous voice actor pretending to be a little girl. On the other hand, the logistics of the different dimension, as well as it being the inspiration for "Poltergeist," were pretty cool.

So some parents awaken to the sound of the brat crying--I'm assuming her name is Carol Anne. After searching for the kid, they realize they can hear her but cannot see her. When the family dog also disappears into thin air they come to the realization that their kid has been sent to the Shadow Realm. Luckily, the parents have a scientist friend who magically knows exactly what is going on as he discovers a dimensional opening behind the girl's bed. I did like the way they address the appearance of the dimensional opening and how it could feasibly work. Unfortunately, it's impossible to concentrate when the brat keeps screaming "where are you, daddy?" every two seconds! I swear, there was a shot of the dad rolling his eyes at one point. I feel you, buddy. The dad sort of goes inside the opening in order to use the dog to lure his brain dead daughter toward him. Sure enough, the dad, brat, and little doggie manage to escape the dimension just as it was about to close. It was interesting how they explain that the dad could feel himself completely inside the dimension when only half his body was inside; I like that kind of metaphysical bullshit! And that's really all she wrote for this episode. I wish the kid had been stuck in there forever, but, then again, would that mean they'd have to listen to her crying forever?!