The Grave

Description: Season 3, Episode 7

Air Date: October 27, 1961

Plot Summary: After an outlaw is killed, his pursuer is challenged to visit the grave alone.

Review: The only thing really holding this episode back is that it feels short and shallow; it needed an extra plot line to fill things out or something. Despite this emptiness, I love that the episode is presented like a classic ghost story you would imagine being told around a fire. Even the style looked moody with a few ominous images such as the outlaw's sister at his grave. Lee Van Cleef is also here in a minor supporting role; people may remember him for his iconic role as the "bad" part of "The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly."

All that happens is the people of a random town are forced to shoot a local outlaw that has been annoying them or something; we don't get a ton of back story regarding the outlaw. Typically the townspeople would not do such a thing, but they are tired of waiting for the bounty hunter-ish guy they hired to seal the deal. When this man shows up, named Conny, he questions the situation that led to the outlaw's death; in fact, way too much time is spent talking about the circumstances of the death rather than what led up to everything. A few of the locals believe Conny is a coward and was too afraid to fight the outlaw. The outlaw's sister believes this as well and she antagonizes Conny. Apparently the outlaw has sworn ghostly revenge should Conny have the courage to go to his grave; they claim his hand will reach up out of the ground to kill Conny. Growing tired of everyone questioning his courage, Conny is challenged to visit the outlaw's grave. The only caveat is that Conny must place a specific knife into the grave in order to prove he went there.

Sure enough, Conny works up the confidence to visit the grave, but he is startled by the outlaw's sister and every little bump in the night. After placing the knife into the grave, and attempting to run away like a bitch, Conny is shown being pulled backward. The next morning, the locals believe Conny backed out of the wager, but they realize his horse and supplies are still there. Working up their own courage, they investigate if the ghost story could be real after all. When the locals go to the grave they find Conny dead. One of the locals believes that what must have happened was Conny accidentally stabbed the knife into his own coat, then, when he went to leave, he became so scared of the pullback that he had a heart attack. The outlaw's sister claims that the wind was blowing in the opposite direction that night and Conny's coat couldn't have been caught in the knife. The episode ends with the sister cackling like a lunatic as we are left to wonder if it really was the ghost or not. Overall, not too bad. There was room to make things better, and cover more material than 15 minutes of arguing about who said what. but this can be forgiven considering that's probably how a classic ghost story would play out.

A haunting image to be sure:

The Mirror

Description: Season 3, Episode 6

Air Date: October 20, 1961

Plot Summary: A dictator believes he can see the true identity of his assassins in a mirror.

Review: This is another one of the worst episodes which is unfortunate since it starred Columbo himself, Peter Falk. Besides the story blatantly mirroring (see what I did there) Castro's rise to power, there isn't much going on. All that happens is a rebel leader and his flunkies overtake the current dictator in order to establish their own regime. The former dictator knows these rebels will end up as corrupt as him, but he also mentions a dumb story about a magic mirror. The new dictator doesn't take long to start going apeshit as he is paranoid and hot tempered. For some reason, the new dictator sees his flunky friends trying to kill him in the mirror so he executes them in advance as a precaution. Once he has gone mad with power, and all his flunkies are dead, the dictator ends up killing himself. Uh...okay. And that's all that really happens. I get what they were going for, but it's not a readily applicable lesson. Plus, come on, we're at the point where all dictators are essentially puppets one way or another. Nice try, TZ, but on to the next one.

A Game of Pool

Description: Season 3, Episode 5

Air Date: October 13, 1961

Plot Summary: A would-be contender's life is in the balance after he challenges the ghost of a legendary player to a game of pool.

Review: As I've stated before, this is one of my favorite episodes for numerous reasons. The chemistry and acting from Jack Klugman and Jonathan Winters are awesome; you genuinely feel this bitter mentor/student relationship. On top of that, the lessons and themes presented are universal to virtually any era or situation. Although the '80s TZ uses the original, intended ending, I prefer this version as it adds another theme to consider; that of being careful what you wish for. This episode also demonstrates that you can have nothing more than two characters bantering, and it can still be incredible without flashy effects or crazy twists.

We meet Jessie, who is obsessed with pool, and has grown wary of others comparing him to a long-since dead legend, Fats Brown. It doesn't take a psychiatrist to see that Jesse is more interested in pool, not for the fun, but because it's an outlet that allows him to feel special and accomplished. As we learn, Jesse has felt inferior his whole life until he discovered his affinity for the game of pool; it's this inferiority complex that has driven him to become the best--to be noticed and beloved the way Fats is revered. But besides being angry at the comparisons to Fats, we see that Jesse spends every waking moment practicing and has devoted all of his time to the game at the cost of truly experiencing life. Anyway, Jesse, crazily talking to himself, wishes he could play Fats in order to prove his superiority.

As it would turn out, Fats is obligated to defend his title as the best, even in the afterlife, and appears to Jesse so as to accept the challenge. Getting over the initial shock, Jesse wants to play Fats, but Fats will only play him under the condition that his life hangs in the balance. Goading Jesse on by telling him the best would take risks, Fats eventually convinces Jesse to accept the terms: one game of straight pool, first to 300 points. The two begin by showboating a bit which is cool to see; crazy pool shots are always fun to see. As the story goes along, Jesse is way ahead until Fats starts to bust out the real skills. Toward the end, after continual banter, the score is Jesse at 299 and Fats at 296. Screwing up, Jesse gives Fats the chance to tie things up.

This is where I'm still not sure what was Fats' true aim in this scenario. Fats tries to screw Jesse up with the final shot as he lectures Jesse on what it truly means to be a champion and the best. Fats makes a poignant argument about how legends serve as a challenge to keep setting the bar higher in any walk of life. But Fats further explains how he didn't obsess over pool, and lived a normal life to the fullest. Jesse doesn't care about any of this as he is set up to win and take on the mantle as the best. Right before Jesse takes the final shot, Fats warns him he may win more than he bargained for. Ignoring this, Jesse takes the final shot and wins--he has become the best. Fats thanks Jesse for beating him, which confuses Jesse, but Jesse is too focused on his victory and finally being the absolute best at something. Unfortunately for Jesse, by becoming the best, when he is dead, he too must forever accept challenges; apparently the legends are forced to go on proving they're the best until someone does defeat them.

So, as I was alluding to, I don't get Fats' agenda. See, if Fats was trying to make Jesse learn a lesson, why did he appear to miss a shot on purpose and perfectly set Jess up to win? I know he wanted to be replaced, but then why try and reach Jesse at all? If Fats felt sorry for Jesse, why not simply beat him when he had the chance. I think what would have made this setup come together better would have been Fats' monologue earlier. Seeing he couldn't reach Jesse's sensibilities, Fats offers one final out by setting Jesse up to win but explaining the caveat that he'd win more than he bargained for. Eh, this is a minor nitpick, but it has bothered me as the one thing that stops this episode from being perfect.

Overall, this is a fantastic episode with universal appeal despite it simply being about a game of pool on the surface. Humanity's competitive nature is represented at its finest in this story compared to the current age where we give out participation awards. Sorry, but we are not all winners and it diminishes the accomplishments when we do succeed. Plus, defeat teaches humility--a trait sorely lacking in the average person. This desire to be famous, special, unique, whatever the hell, has become grossly out of control in this narcissistic society as well. I think a lot of people could learn a lesson or two from this episode.

The Passersby

Description: Season 3, Episode 4

Air Date: October 6, 1961

Plot Summary: At the end of the Civil War, a lonely woman watches the stream of soldiers that pass by her home.

Review: While this is mostly an average episode, I really enjoyed some of the ideas proposed; it's definitely a unique way to look at the afterlife or at least the logistics of how it could possibly work. The only real problem was that the twist was beyond predictable which makes the story a slow buildup pointlessly. All that happens is we meet a bitter and lonely, confederate woman just as the Civil War draws to its end. She sees numerous injured and defeated men walk by her dilapidated house each day. One day, a crippled officer stops by and stays with the woman for a time. The two reflect on the misery of war, but the woman is angry that her husband was killed. I kept thinking the two would hook up in a '60s kind of fashion or that it would be revealed the officer really was her husband; neither of the things happen.

One night, a union officer, who had helped the officer staying with the woman, visits and the woman tries to shoot him. Of course he doesn't die as it should be abundantly clear they're all dead. Eventually the woman's husband appears as he tries to help her move on into the afterlife. It's kind of interesting how they present this purgatory-esque scenario whereby the casualties of the war are in their own isolated place. This road that all the soldiers have passed by leads to the end of the line, but the woman has somehow manifested her home at its edge. The husband and the other officer decide to move on, and the husband claims he will meet her in the place that lies beyond the road. As the woman cries, unable to accept the situation, Lincoln shows up to console the woman. He tells her he is the last person on this road and serves as the final death of the war. Again, it's fascinating that this afterlife is like a separate grouping and has a distinct beginning and end. Not wanting to be alone, the woman goes to the end of the road to meet her husband and that's it. The episode deals with themes we've already discussed, but they're spun differently enough. If they had added something extra to fill out the predictability, this could have been one of the classics perhaps. As it stands, this episode leans on the average side of things.

The Shelter

Description: Season 3, Episode 3

Air Date: September 29, 1961

Plot Summary: A neighborhood is turned upside down after the news of an imminent nuclear strike.

Review: Although this episode feels remarkably similar to "The Monsters Are Due on Maple Street," the themes are tweaked enough to make it stand on its own merits. I mean, both deal with the pleasantries and mindless facade that neighbors put on for each other, but this episode wanted to stress the panicky self-preservation of humans. More appropriately, that, under the right conditions, friends will readily turn against one another in the face of death. At the same time, this story differs in that it plays off precise Cold War exploitation while "The Monsters Are Due on Maple Street" obviously had aliens.

In essence, we are shown a seemingly happy community celebrating a birthday when the birthday-boy's son hears a radio broadcast about objects approaching the USA. The neighbors all jump to the conclusion that it must be a nuclear attack and try their best to prepare. The birthday-boy has a bomb shelter while no one else does. This creates a conflict as the friends of the birthday-boy want him to let them in to the shelter. To the credit of one character, the birthday-boy's best friend, he tries to keep a level head in face of impending doom. On the other hand, the others begin to freak out and reveal their true, selfish nature; they would rather risk everyone dying in order for themselves to have a chance to live. Not listening to reason, the neighbors ban together to break into the shelter--never thinking that the shelter would be useless without a door. Also, it never occurs to them that if a lousy battering ram can break into the shelter, how in hell is it going to protect you from a nuclear blast or the fallout?! Just as they are about to kill each other over this tiny shelter, a radio broadcast is heard explaining that the objects were merely satellites. Feebly trying to recover their dignity and apologizing, the neighbors realize their relationships have been ruined permanently. And that's all she wrote.

While self-preservation is an innate instinct in most lifeforms, humans typically believe themselves the superior organism. This episode reveals the truth that, when the chips are down, rare is the individual who will demonstrate true character and conviction. Really, how many people out there are simply going to come to terms with their deaths? Ironically, it's the only thing certain in every person's life. You can't necessarily blame people for human nature, but humans aren't as far above the rest of the animal kingdom as they ignorantly believe. A grim conclusion to a somber episode. Not too bad overall, but the twist was predictable and the similarities to other Cold War-themed episodes didn't help.

The Arrival

Description: Season 3, Episode 2

Air Date: September 22, 1961

Plot Summary: An investigator tries to solve the mystery of a plane's ominous landing without a crew or passengers.

Review: To TZ's credit, there haven't been many nominations for the worst episode list thus far. With that said, here's another entry for that list! Besides feeling like other episodes, the story makes absolutely no sense and blows whatever intrigue it had amassed in the first half. It felt like someone had a good idea, couldn't figure out how to resolve it, and rushed an ending right before shooting began. Oh well, as I've mentioned multiple times, they can't all be classics.

So the story begins with a plane landing just like normal until airport workers attempt to unload the passengers and the luggage. Curiously, they find no one on board and can't figure out how the plane could have even landed. An investigator shows up to figure out what happened--claiming he has never failed to solve a case. After gathering information and interviewing the various witnesses involved, the investigator looks at the plane itself. The investigator suddenly picks up on an odd detail whereby the witnesses each saw the color of the plane's seats as different; this leads to the realization that people see different serial numbers for the plane as well. The investigator believes they are somehow hypnotized into seeing a hallucination. To prove his theory correct, in the most roundabout way, the investigator walks into the propellers, but the plane disappears. Things were cool up to this point but everyone else then disappears. The investigator searches around the airport until he finds the people that vanished, however, they claim to have no recollection as to what the guy is talking about. We get about 10 minutes of questioning whether this guy is drunk, crazy, or an idiot. Finally, we learn that there was one case the investigator couldn't solve which involved his father dying or something. Hell if I know. Then the investigator just wanders about until the episode ends. Well...okay then. I don't know what else to say except that the story started off promising and plummeted into a realm deeper than the Twilight Zone.

Two

Description: Season 3, Episode 1

Air Date: September 15, 1961

Plot Summary: In the aftermath of a war-torn apocalypse, two soldiers from opposing sides come together in the wasteland.

Review: Well, we're getting closer to the halfway mark as we enter the third season. As with season 2, there are a few slight differences with the opening sequence and general presentation, but, for the most part, everything has remained fundamentally the same. I do want to mention that this is also the point when TZ's road became a bit rocky. At the end of season 3, the show was semi-cancelled for whatever reason. At the same time, Mr. Serling and the other main writers began to feel drained by the season's end. You won't really notice any of this during the season, but there will be a distinct change coming for season 4. Anyway, to kick the season off, we get a surprisingly optimistic episode that still manages to tell a relevant tale. Of course the themes play more off of the Cold War era, but they could be applied to most any war--past or present. In fact, the episode stresses not to look at things as current, and imagine the possibility that this could be the near future or distant past.

We first meet a beautiful soldier, played by Elizabeth Montgomery, as she roams around a town left in rubble from the years since an apparent WWIII (or whatever you wish to imagine). I'm so used to seeing Ms. Montgomery as a blonde that it is sort of refreshing to see her as a brunette; she always looks great one way or another. Stumbling across a can of food, the woman, who I'm going to call Sam, is prevented from eating when a man, wearing an opposing uniform, shows up to knock her out cold. The man, played by Charles Bronson, who I'm going to call Harmonica, really wants that can of food which contains...chicken legs? Egghhh. Canned chicken legs--talk about revolting. Meat was never meant to be canned, people! Okay, back on track...Harmonica begins to feel bad for Sam as he realizes they are still fighting a meaningless war that has seemingly annihilated humanity. Harmonica wakes Sam up and gives her that precious chicken as he meanders about.

Deciding to clean himself up, Harmonica finds a barbershop in order to get a shave which prompts Sam to clean herself up too. However, Sam is still distrustful as any sudden movement sets her off like a timid, little kitty or something. The two then see a poster for a romantic film but are distracted by nearby guns that they each picks up and aims at the other. Calming down, the two walk along further until they come across an old clothing store with a dress in the window. Harmonica tells Sammy-baby to put on the dress, and she obliges because you do not turn down a request from Harmonica. When preparing to change clothes, Sam realizes she's in a recruitment office and is emotionally set off upon seeing a propaganda poster. She takes a few shots at Harmonica which leads him to abandon her; Sam realizes she's made a mistake shortly after. The next day, Harmonica changes out of the uniform into a suit as he notices Sam watching him. He tells her to go away if she's still fighting that war, but she instead emerges wearing the dress. Liking what he sees, and Sammy-baby smiling that classic grin (minus a nose twitch unfortunately) the two walk off into the apocalyptic sunset with a glimmer of hope. Despite the usual Cold War themes, the episode mostly stresses the love conquering all aspect which was interesting for a show with typically dark endings. Overall, a solid episode with a good message to get this season rolling.

Ms. Montgomery...I wouldn't mind repopulating the world with someone like that!

The Obsolete Man

Description: Season 2, Episode 29

Air Date: June 2, 1961

Plot Summary: In the future, a mild mannered librarian has been deemed useless to society and must be executed.

Review: Finally bringing an end to the second season, we go out in style with a mid-level classic. Coming off the fears of the era, this episode presents a powerful message in a vein similar to the likes of "1984." Enhancing the story was the moving performance by Burgess Meredith, and assisted by the effectively sinister Fritz Weaver. Essentially, in an unnamed future, a totalitarian regime, simply referred to as the state, has ushered in a nightmarish society. We can assume the regime has spent many years executing countless individuals considered undesirable and useless; this is explicitly stated but for how long it has been happening is unsure. To give you an idea of the kind of regime this is, Mr. Weaver's character, the chancellor, explains that Hitler and Stalin's mistake was not taking their ideas to the extreme! As it would turn out, a lowly librarian, not so subtly named Wordsworth, is the next individual that has been determined to be obsolete; the penalty for this crime is execution or liquidation as they say.

Wordsworth ardently stands behind his principles, and that he has a purpose, while questioning the inhumanity and indoctrination of the regime. After much banter during a trial, Wordsworth is given the choice of his own means of death. Cleverly, Wordsworth arranges for his execution to be televised and for his executioner to be secret. Shortly thereafter, Wordsworth invites the chancellor to oversee the execution to which the chancellor takes great satisfaction in this situation. However, this sadistic joy is short-lived as Wordsworth reveals he has trapped the chancellor with him as a bomb will go off that will kill them both. More so, Wordsworth is certain the regime will not intervene as it will show weakness, and if the chancellor cowers in the face of death the regime will also appear weak. As you might guess, Wordsworth comes to terms with his fate as the chancellor panics and is freed at the last second by Wordsworth; Wordsworth is, of course, killed in the explosion but died with dignity. When the chancellor attempts to return to his duty, he is met with his own trial as his weakness has made him obsolete. With a fitting fate befalling the chancellor, Mr. Serling closes us out addressing that any regime that would stand against human freedom is the thing that is truly obsolete.

This is a fantastic episode that can still stand the test of time in many ways. Although post-WWII and Cold War visions of the future have long since passed, it doesn't lessen the impact of those beliefs. Unfortunately, or fortunately for them, few could have imagined the kind of future we have slipped into instead. This episode echoes "1984's" idea that the future is "a boot stamping on a human face--forever," but the corrupt of today have a more manipulative and covert means of control. Why hold a gun to the head of a slave when you can convince the slave they are free? The people of the past were right to worry--the people of today are too blind, brainwashed, and self-involved to see their own shackles. I fear that far too few individuals would have the conviction, principles, and courage of the Wordsworth character. I guess we will simply have to wait and see where this shadowy road takes us.

Will the Real Martian Please Stand Up?

Description: Season 2, Episode 28

Air Date: May 26, 1961

Plot Summary: Two police officers believe an alien is hiding at a diner filled with stranded bus passengers.

Review: Think of this episode as a forerunner for "The Thing" with its attempt at paranoia and trying to figure out who's really an alien. While the episode is simply good, rather than great, it is a fun mystery that keeps you guessing. What could have made this great would have been a more dramatic finale or greater emphasis on the paranoia between the characters. Furthermore, the cops, or state troopers if you will, weren't exactly smart enough to figure out the situation on their own which sucked. Despite the faults, there were a few nuances that helped boost the overall experience and give it an added layer of charm.

So we have the two cops chasing after an apparent UFO that landed in a nearby lake. You would think they would brush this sighting off, but I guess they decided to followup considering they find a trail of footprints. Eh, I think real cops would have called bullshit fairly early on regardless, but I suppose things may have been different with Cold War fears. Curiously enough, the tracks lead to a diner where a bus and its passengers reside. There's something about a bridge being out due to a snowstorm or frozen or whatever--hell if I know--but the goofball driver claims he only had 6 passengers and now there are 7. The primary suspects are a business guy, an allegedly hot dancer, a crazy guy, an old couple, and a young couple; balancing things out a little more are the driver and the diner chef. Each character does something strange to make them suspect, but the couples were especially idiotic. I mean, if an alien can pretend to be your spouse, and you're so brainwashed to not know the difference, then you're already fucked! However, the main red herring is the crazy guy with his bug-eyes and gold miner accent. Calm down, dude!

One thing that was amusing was everyone acting like this dancer girl was hot. Uhh, are you all aliens--what the hell?! I did like the driver and one of the cops checking her ass out at the same time then looking at each other. Classic. Another funny moment was when one of the cops said they were like "kids in a closet" and no one knows what's going on. Oh man...that's great! Or maybe my sick mind is reading waaaay too much into that line? Anyway, after shenanigans and some finger pointing, the diner receives a phone call regarding the bridge being clear for the bus. Against the judgement of the driver, and any sense of reason, everyone leaves and seemingly ends up dying except the business man. Returning to the diner, the business man reveals he is a martian and a part of a scouting team. The diner chef doesn't care, because he's apparently from Venus and his people have intercepted the martian forces. A bit lackluster of an ending, and a sort of cop-out revelation, but it was interesting enough. I would have preferred if the cops figured out a way to trick the alien into revealing themselves but oh well. They even mention the notion of cat and mouse at one point but this episode was unable to pull that off effectively.